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“life will be better in spring”

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some things are no longer worth recording and remembering. What is most important are the things that placed in front of you- the future that lies ahead of you.

Tell you a little secret; I used to record whatever secrets and unspeakable problems I had and I would record it in my little diary. as time passed, I would take it out and read again, just purely out of curiosity, really, and not to recall the past. this habit has started since I was primary 4, when I had little puppy love and crushes on my classmates (oops). since then i continued this secrets recording, but did it inconsistently.

recently i took it out once more and read it again, since i have nothing to do. those memories (happy/sad/frightening/angry) triggered screens of pictures running through my head. At that moment, I wished to revive those joyful memories and wanting to delete those nasty thoughts away.

Keep a diary has a its pros and cons. since its so personal to me, my diary means a lot to me. most of the content are all written about what is important to me- studies, work, friends, achievements and my loved ones. the advantage is that it helps you recall those delightful moments and relieve your stress and frustration. but at the same time, those bad encounters still linger in your mind. you wished to forget it and yet you couldnt. furthermore, you mentioned those backstabbers and awful people, and all those plastic actions they did to you. dont you think the latter should be forgotten?

surprisingly, I kept those diaries throughout the years(p.s i still have my pri4 diary).

however when i get busy, i stopped writing. but anyways, as i get older, i have lesser stuffs to input into my diary. I believe as one get matures, one will be able to handle and see situations in a different light. however, those awful situations would hardly be erased from my mind. instead, those setbacks taught me a lesson and reminded me not to make those mistakes anymore.

the diary shows me how much i have changed, what i have learnt, who has/have rotated my life in 360 degrees, why i behaved this way today and when were my turning points.

maybe i will continue to write to my diary, but not flip back those pages. no doubt good memories may be forgotten, but neither do i wish to remember those bad memories.


may my life be better from today onwards.

I've just returned from Bangkok and yep, I bought lotsa clothes!

But coming bac to Singapore means getting back to reality- the first thing that came to my mind was; finding a job. its no longer about mugging hard for tests, studying diligently for exams or getting headaches and frustrations over projects. Its about getting a good first job, with an acceptable salary and then plan for your future. how scary is that. entering the workforce in a few months' time?

However, right now i just gonna plan some short term goals before thinking hard for my future goals. While on the go looking for the right job, I perhaps will upgrade myself by learning new things or picking up interests. Maybe i will get a part time job to sustain myself until i get a full time job. then pick up a new sport and continue to exercise regularly. Catch up with my old pals and maintain contact with my current uni mates. reviving my current blog and improve it with new perspectives. upload my bkk trip photos. spend more time with my loved ones to compensate the time when i was taking my papers. pack my table and room. bake and learn to cook! choir? volunteer work? travel more?

what is most dramatic is still the transition from being a student to unemployed to a full time employee. i know i can no longer take everything for granted or have holidays like a typical student. Suddenly, a great sense of responsibility just pile on my shoulders. the new world seems so mysterious, and unpredictable. It creates a cloud of fear and confusion, which slows down your pace as you are constantly hesitating on the choices you made for each path. with no sense of direction and good roadmap drawn out, it is really hard to determine your first step.